


Paper Walls

by DatWriterWannaBe



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A few words in Japanese, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Eren Yeager, Day At The Beach, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, I'll put the translations, Japan, Japanese Culture, Lots of mentions of juice, M/M, Matane, Romance, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Written in a style I'm not use to, it's based in 1997, like guava juice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 08:57:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14132640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DatWriterWannaBe/pseuds/DatWriterWannaBe
Summary: ON HIATUSSorry.A crossover. Call me by your name / Attack on Titan.Eren Yeager and his family live in Kamakura, Japan. Levi was invited to stay in their home over the summer to assist Grisha and Carla with translating their soon to be published work.This is the story of the summer they spent together, and the thin paper wall that separated them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Call my by your name](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/366975) by André Aciman. 



> This style of writing is very outside my element. When I watched 'Call me by your name' I knew it had to be rewritten for Levi and Eren. I didn't expect the book to be written in such an advanced style (especially in comparison to my work over the years.) It really jumps all over the place. However, below is my attempt, and I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Konnichiwa.  
> Hello. 
> 
> Matane.  
> See ya.

“Don't you think it's rude?” I asked my mother one morning after Levi had just left for the day. We sat behind the house together, bathing in the sunlight, the sound of ice clinking in our glasses as we sipped our juice. “His ' _matane_ ’?” I didn't wait for a reply instead scoffing over my breakfast and refusing to meet her eyes. “I feel like when he does leave us, all he’ll say is ' _matane_.’”  
  
At that point it wasn't like it really mattered. Levi had been staying with us one week but already caught ‘family like’ affection from my mother and father. Carla just smiled at me, the kind of knowing smile that only a mother could give to their child. “I don't.” She replied, “he's saying he’ll see you later, Eren. And doesn't he always see you later?”   
  
I didn't say anything back, I couldn't. Part of me wanted to tell her that wasn't true, that sometimes I wouldn't see Levi until the next morning. Which, I suppose is 'later,’ but I wanted to see him sooner. I wanted to see him every second of everyday, I wanted to scream it into the ocean, beg of whatever god may still linger there that they'd allow me to be with Levi always. Only one week of his presence and the man had managed to own me, body and soul.  
  
I didn't know that though. At the time I was always annoyed with him, brushing him off while not fully understanding the feelings I was having toward him. I was only 17, but I had never been attracted to another man before. And I wasn't about to admit it then, it was a fluke, my attraction only coming from someone new being in the area. It wasn't like we got a lot of visitors, and sure, my father had a new comer every summer to come and work with him but most of the time I avoided them.   
  
I wish I realized that it was different with Levi sooner, that I hadn't wasted so much of that summer wishing he was mine, watching him as some of the girls I knew went after him - falling over him and bringing him back to their homes. I didn't care that Levi was with them, that he wasn't coming home until late at night, or at all. I just wish I knew sooner.   
  
“Are you sleeping with her?” It slipped out of me one evening, while we sat in the grass together in my backyard. The sun was still setting, some of it's rays leaking through the trees and onto us, saying farewell to the night to come.   
  
“With who?” He wouldn't look at me, only kept his eyes forward to some of the trees in front of us, those trees with more age and wisdom than I could ever hope to achieve.  
  
“Krista.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Someone else then?” Finally he looked at me, those eyes that swirled with blue on top of gray, eyes that belonged to me and only me. They studied me, trying to understand the true meaning behind my question. I looked back at him, pleading with him to tell me the answer I wanted to heard, that he didn't want anyone else. That he just wanted me.  
  
“No.”  
  
I might have admitted it then, taken him into my arms and given him my first inexperienced kiss, and he looked so tempting, so honest - with his eyes showing me that he wasn't the only one who wanted something to happen.  
  
Only I didn't. The sliding doors behind us opened, my father, Grisha, stepping through and bringing us juice that was made only minutes before. He sat beside Levi, handing him a glass which he then handed over to me, our fingertips brushing over each others in a silent confession between us. While the two of them talked I stared into my glass, the pinkish liquid swirling from my shaking hands.  
  
___________  
  


It was the summer of 1997 when Levi first came to my parent’s home. As much as I may have tried to forget it during my adolescence, it was a day that would forever bloom into my mind whenever I was alone and my thoughts would betray me. The sound of the cicadas was never ending, the ocean waves in the distance - crashing over the soft sand that I could still feel beneath my toes. And his voice, his repeated ' _matane_ ’ like a skipping CD that played the same song over and over, making you fall for the sound that you once hated. Levi had scratched the disc of my mind - forever etching his mark which would never leave me. Not for a single moment.  
  
Though my family and I resided in Japan, we weren't of native blood. My father, Grisha, and my mother, Carla, were both born and raised in Germany, the two decided long ago that a life near the beach of Kamakura would be better suited for them, and for their own studies on the ocean life in that area. Try as they might, I would never have the same interests as them. While I could agree that octopus were fascinating, I wasn't one to focus my thoughts on their strange behavior. Though, changing one’s skin color was something I wish I could do, as you can imagine a German boy didn't fit in well with the schools in that area. The younger generation tended to look past that, befriending me anyway and making me feel welcome among them - still teasing me at my awful Japanese but helping me perfect it as the years passed.  
  
Still, I would never be good enough. I could perfect my Japanese but it wouldn't be good enough for _him_. The first time I greeted the native man, Levi scolded me on my simple 'hello.’  
  
“Ko _nni_ chiwa.” He told me, which at first, I assumed was him only saying hello back to me. I learned to never assume with Levi on that day. The man was set in his ways, he never really spoke unless he had something to say, which more often than not was him correcting someone on their misinformation or to send a small comment filled with snark in their direction.  
  
To this day I'm not sure what lured me to a man so much different than myself, his eyes cut through me like Japanese steel, their shade from afar looked like a light grey - something I'd never seen in another person before. But I'd come to learn that they weren't gray, and I learned that rather _quickly_ , based solely on my own insistence to actually get close enough to the man's eyes, that they were blue. A light blue, a peaceful calming blue, at least to me. To others they might seem cold, or curious, or welcoming, or warm, or judgmental. His mood seemed to change just as quickly as the weather of those orbs; yet, I never felt more at home looking into those stormy eyes. The steel I first saw was rare, only appearing when he was annoyed, angry, and wanted nothing to do with me. I made sure to avoid him when those eyes turned to metal, even though I actually wanted to be around him anyway. When they turned to blue, I was beside him in an instant - willing those eyes to look my way and allow me just a peek into who he truly was. It wasn't until he I had known him for weeks that I learned of a third version, a combination of the two mixed into one. Eyes that were just for me, eyes that no one else saw, eyes that were designed to lure in an unexpected passion from a basic stranger. I would be that stranger, again and again, if it meant I would be the only one allowed a taste of the world through his eyes.  
  
And he was short.  
  
Far shorter than myself, I could rest my chin on top of his silky raven hair if I wanted to, though I would rarely dare. His height never seemed to _truly_ bother him, I never noticed any insults affect him in anyway, besides he was intelligent and strong, jabs at his _one_ shortcoming would never bother him.  
  
That was what I thought anyway, until one day we were riding our bikes to the train station together. My mother had requested we purchase some of the flat, and to put it bluntly, _strange_ Japanese cookies that were set in a half Moon shape. A cookie that was meant to be given as a gift when one travels, to bring home to their family and friends - a treat that says 'I will always think of you, please enjoy this cookie.’  
  
My mother's excuse was that she liked the cookies, and insisted on having them to eat freely. A touch over priced, but she was more than willing to splurge on the small treat.  
  
While Levi and I stood in line within the tiny shop, watching the bubbly women behind the counter as she smiled brightly and handed the customers their packages with two hands, a foreigner cut in front of me. I wasn't one for coming up with the best insults, and it certainly wasn't something that was coming to use among the people in the area, but watching that man not only cut in front of me, but maybe six other people I had to fight back in some way. A simple shout left my lips, “Hey! Get to the back of the line, you tiny old man!” The words were in English, a common enough language for the foreigner to understand. And he was short, and old. I wasn't wrong in that aspect. But, he was taller than Levi, most definitely not as young as the man I had grown to enjoy company with.. but as soon as the words left my mouth I saw Levi flinch.  
  
It wasn't until much later that Levi admitted to me his insecurities, the older male confiding in me over his height.  
  
“It doesn't bother you, does it?” He asked me.   
  
“Of course not.”   
  
It was so much different than that first moment I met him. Those steel eyes already annoyed at my existence while they roamed over me, judging the teenage boy with the piss poor Japanese.   
  
“Ko _nni_ chiwa.” He wound up repeating when I only offered him a goofy grin. “Ko _nnnnnnnni_ chiwa.” It was then that I caught on to his attempt to teach me. His tongue holding the _'n’_ to the roof of his mouth as he spewed it in my direction. My parents only stood and watched, my mother going as far as to cover her mouth to stifle a laugh.  
  
“Konnichiwa.” I said back, looking over to my parents to confirm if it was being said correctly.   
  
A sharp flick to my forehead brought my attention back to the stranger before me. “No.” He barked, “Ko _nnnnnni_ chiwa.”   
  
More flicks to my forehead and huffs were passed between us before I finally said it to Levi's liking. The man hadn’t even bothered to take in his surroundings, most strangers to our home were gasping at the size of it, gasping at how it managed to seem so secluded in an area were the houses were almost touching, gasping at the small stone onsen hidden behind the house, gasping at the paper thin walls that held back no noise.   
  
In the end.. the punctuation didn't matter anyway. Levi was from Osaka, and apparently their 'hello’ sounded a touch different than the way I had learned.   
  
I still hold the 'n,’ the method being forced onto me since that summer day in 1997. Sometimes, when I was alone, I would say it to myself, standing in my deserted bedroom and imagining Levi in front of me. The twitch of his thin lips as I repeated the word over and over, that fraction of a smile that would make my chest swell with pride over something so simple.   
  
“Ko _nnnnnni_ chiwa.” I would say each time I saw him. Levi would roll his eyes at me, but he could never hide the smile behind those gentle gray eyes with a swirl of blue I adored. 

  
Ko _ nnnnnni _ chiwa.

Ko _ nnnnnni _ chiwa.

Ko _ nnnnnni _ chiwa.  
  
  


 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's thoughts

My family lived in a traditional style home, which may sound appealing to _some_ , _but_ for a teenage boy constantly fantasizing about another man.. who was one paper wall away, it was anything but appealing. Late at night, when I could hear him shuffle under his blankets.. I would let my mind wander. Did he sleep in the nude like myself? Did he ever touch himself while he thought I was sleeping only a few feet away? I would strain my ears to listen, hoping to catch a grunt... or a moan.. or even my name coming from his lips while he thought of me and no one else. It was torture.

There was one night I can still remember clearly, each second of it easily replayable in my mind. It was late, later than usual when we would go to bed, the two of us had stayed up and enjoyed the cool ocean air together. No words were passed between us as we walked along the shore, the water creeping up the sand to lick at our feet before quickly retreating. I considered grabbing his hand, telling him how much I ached for him, telling him all of my thoughts and dreams while I looked into his stormy eyes. Those eyes I adored and only wished to see more and more of. The moon made his gaze shine even brighter than I had grown accustomed to, they called for me, demanding me to close the distance and taste his lips for the first time.

Our walk finished without our lips connecting.

Instead I laid in my bed, my eyes wide open as the moon peeked into my bedroom, watching me as my hand trailed down my stomach. Levi was active tonight, shifting in his bed every few minutes. Did he want to kiss me as badly as I had wanted to kiss him? Was his hand wrapped around his cock like mine was at that exact same moment? I let my eyes close, imagining Levi laying beside me, his hand gripping me at the base of my cock, teasing me, unmoving, making me whimper for him to move even just a little.His lips ghosting over my neck, feeling his not so subtle smirk while he pushed me to show my pleasure with little gasps each time his tongue would flick out to brush over my hot skin.

And then he would move lower.

His mouth tracing over me quietly, each kiss leaving me in an unforgiving moment of uncomfortable arousal while I waited for him to do more. I could feel his hand gripping into my thigh, his nails leaving marks over my sensitive skin as he held me down, preventing me from thrusting my hips up and burying my cock deep into his hot mouth. No, Levi would tease me. He was the type to watch his prey as they struggled beneath him. Leaving them begging for some kind of release, whether it it heaven or hell, but all while taking any pleasure and attention he was willing to provide.The fantasy was almost too much, demanding me to cry out to the man next to me in hopes that he would finally close those lips over the head of my cock.

I know the noise actually escaped me when I heard a light gasp on the other side of the wall, only pushing me to keep going in hopes that he would touch himself too. Does he know what he does to me? How my eyes roam over him every chance I get? I would follow after him each time he went to the beach, even if that meant I would only get to see his bare skin for a few minutes before he went running into the water. Seeing his defined build was worth it every time, I would drop whatever I was doing to join him, or run to the shore when my mother told me Levi wasn't home.

I could only let my mind wander to the thoughts that I'd hope Levi would envision. Maybe he wouldn't be laying beside me, running his hands over my virgin cock. But instead gripping my hair while he directed me on how to perfectly satisfy his thick and experienced cock. Would he picture me on my knees? My eyes looking up to him with tears hanging just on the edge, but not enough to fall, while he fucked my mouth with as much desperation as I had developed in such a short amount of time? I would want him to touch me while I sucked his cock, even if that meant him placing both of his hands on the back of my head and holding me tightly as he released his entire load over my tongue, choking me with his cock and leaving me gasping for air. Only for me to swallow it down greedily, like I was starving for his seed.

My hand moved slowly, sliding up and down my cock, not allowing myself to give in completely until I heard something come from the other room. Another cry left me as I stroked over the tip of myself just right, prompting what I thought was a quiet moan from the other room. I don't know if it was my imagination, if Levi really was fucking his hand with thoughts of me, but I didn't care. That one noise was enough for me to cum. If he didn't hear me before.. he heard me now, my moans were loud enough to echo through my room, which meant Levi would have heard them perfectly. I wanted him to know what he did to me, that I was cumming for him and only him, that he was the one that would fill my mind with lewd thoughts and make me lose control of myself. I only thought of him touching me..kissing me.. sucking my cock, but as the days passed I envisioned more.

The next day I went and purchased lube and condoms. It was embarrassing, the store clerk having to grab the supplies from behind the counter, his small smile suggesting that I was intending to lose my virginity with one of the girls from my class.

He couldn't be more wrong.

It's not like I hadn't had my chance to sleep with one of them, though most of them insisted on waiting until they were married, there were the few that had already had sex and continued to fuck the boys in my school. It was just never appealing to me. No one was.

Not until Levi.

The first time I saw him naked was actually the same as the first day I met him. After traveling for so long my father insisted that he make use of our onsen, claiming that the heated water would relax him and be the most welcoming way for him to join us in our home. Levi didn't argue, he let my father take his bags to his room while I led him to the onsen.

There were technically two sides to the water, a short wall parting the two sections, one for women and the other for men. Which was more just there for when we had guests, in fact the entire thing was only still in use for guests. I was the only one that would go into the onsen, usually after an exhausting day just to nap, but now I was leading a stranger into my little get away.

My father had a small changing area built, supplied with towels, slippers, and robes for any guests we might have. And once I led Levi inside.. he began to strip.

It almost seemed deliberately slow, the way his fingers worked over each button of his shirt, his eyes challenging me to say something while he did.

The entire time I was completely frozen, my eyes glued to him, watching as he undressed and said nothing to me.. only taunting me with his gaze as each article of clothing fell from his body. What felt like an hour of torment concluded with him standing before me, his cock half hard and a handsome smirk across his face that judged me with his knowing thoughts of my sexuality.. that I wasn't even aware of myself.

“You coming?” Levi asked me, his eyes obviously roaming over me and wondering what I hid beneath my clothes.

I shook my head far too quickly, my cock already twitching awake and beginning to grow hard from the nude man. Instead of doing what my cock was begging me to do, I grabbed his clothes and ran from the onsen, shouting over my shoulder that I would wash them for him.

I wish I hadn't been so ignorant. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren overthinks everything, he dances at a bonfire

The sand beneath my toes was no new kind of feeling to me, but it was refreshing each time I sought it out. I’d been coming to the shore more often than I ever had in all the time I'd been living in Kamakura. And I was finally willing to admit that it was because of Levi. The man was like a fish out of water, making his way to the beach every chance he got, carrying his board with him in hopes of going out and onto the water to race along with the waves.

It was such a rewarding site to see the man standing out in the ocean like he owned the waves that directed him, like he had some kind of control over them as he rode along. Some of his smiles were the best when he was out there, his arms held out as he balanced and enjoyed the ocean to himself with no one around to bother him. Each time he came back to land was another story though, Levi had become popular among the younger women in the city. Some of them coming out just to see him as he made love to the waves. I’ve heard them gasp as he glided along the water, staring in awe as he moved so peacefully and with such ease.

I constantly told myself that I wasn’t jealous, that it was fine when the women would rush over to him.. offering him drinks and towels. I’d watch as they ran the towel over his back and stomach, some of them missing and letting their fingers run over his hardened exposed skin. There was a time that I would run to him and offer him a towel, and he would take it with a nod and a small thanks thrown over his shoulder. Now I had to complete with women, and it wasn’t worth trying. They absorbed every single second of his time when he was on shore, I liked to think that was why Levi spent so much time on the water. Even when he was out there, just sitting on his board with both of his legs hanging in the water, I wanted him if he was hiding from them. Did he think about me, and how I’d bring him a towel? Did he want me to bring him towels again? Did he want me to brush my fingertips over his stomach and pretend it was a mistake?

We watched as Levi came back to shore, some of the women already waiting and ready to greet him. I wish they would stop, give the man some room to breath when he came back. There was one female in particular that Levi seemed to take a liking to, there was nothing that would make my chest ache any deeper than when he would send a smile her way. Each time he talked to her she was blushing, grinning back to the man and trying to led him away and all to herself. I couldn’t blame him for being interested in her, there was something about Krista that could pull any man into her trap.

Hell, there was even a time when I considered dating her for myself.

That was before Levi of course, before I accepted that I wasn’t and would never actually be attracted to women.

Krisita was sweet, gorgeous beyond belief, caring, kind, forgiving, and shorter than Levi. I’d joke with my friend Armin that the only reason Levi spent any time with her was because he didn’t have to look up to meet her eyes. Faking some kind of humor around the situtation made it more bearable. Even though Armin never came out and said it, I think he was painfully aware of my crush on the older man. It was a good thing Armin was never judgemental about that kind of thing, I don’t know what I ever would have done without him by my side. I would have failed school, that’s for damn sure. Plus, who would I drag to the beach with me every time Levi came here? I needed some moral support as I eye fucked the man, even if that meant Armin didn’t know he was providing it.

As Levi came closer to the shore, I laid back onto my towel so I could no longer see him. With my sunglasses on, I just stared up and into the sun, focusing on that bruning star instead of the trail of hair that went down Levi's stomach and beneath his trunks.

“Levi is coming over.” Armin said quietly beside me, the blonde applying yet another round of sunscreen in hopes of avoiding the sun's red kiss of pain.

I rolled my eyes, even though Armin couldn't see it, putting on a show of uncaring when my heart was thumping wildly in my chest. I shifted enough to look toward Levi, a towel placed over his shoulders while he walked towards us with an unknown purpose. “Whatever.”

“I know you care.”

“It's not like that.” I argued, but Armin’s pointed gaze told me he knew better than that.

The sand crushed under Levi's feet, the sound of it reaching my ears and being the only thing I could hear as he moved closer. Until the sound stopped and he stood beside me, crouching down to look into my eyes that were hidden behind the sunglasses.

“Eren.” He whispered, his hand reaching forward to poke his fingers at my chest. “Hey, Eren.” He said again, his poking becoming more insistent as I ignored him. Levi huffed in annoyance, the palm of his hand coming to rest of my bare chest. I took a deep breath, loving the feeling of his hand pressing against me, and I knew that if I didn't say anything - he would stay there. Toying with me by knowing what he touch was capable of doing to me.

I let the breath go slowly, my head moving to the side to look at Levi instead of glaring at the sun. “Yes?”

Levi smirked before shaking his head and rolling his eyes at me. His hand lifted from my chest, leaving his scalding handprint there for me to feel for the rest of the day, and possibly until the next morning.

“Are you coming to the bonfire tonight?” Levi asked me. He'd never asked before. The bonfires were a constant recurring event, happening nearly every night whether it been a weekday or weekend.

I went to most of them, only to watch Levi as he relaxed beside the pit. The light from the flames would dance over Levi's skin while he gazed into the fire, unknowing of the heat that would build in my chest from watching him.

“Maybe.” I didn't want to come off over eager.

“Maybe?” He questioned.

“Maybe.”

“You should come.” And with that, Levi walked away - leaving me alone with Armin to over think the casual conversation.

 

When I went to the bonfire that night, it was more crowded than usual. Which left me with a hollow feeling deep inside my chest. It made me think that I wasn't the only one Levi invited. That him inviting me was just him being friendly, that he didn't actually want me to join in on his summer fun.

I felt Armin's hand at my back, urging me forward to join the others. It wasn't too late, we could still turn back unnoticed. I could go home instead, lay in my bed and let my mind wander to other places. Other places that didn't involve Levi dancing with Krisita that way that he was. His hands on her hips, her arms thrown around his neck while they moved together to the music that played from a boombox I couldn't see.

There was a group of people dancing, all of them having a partner. None were daring enough to dance alone.

I could still turn back..

But it was too late, just as I made the decision to go home - we were spotted. Levi's hands dropped from Krista's hips and he walked towards us with an expression I couldn't read.

“Eren.” Levi's hand was held out towards me, beckoning me to join him beside the fire. Armin pushed me gently, he knew too well that this was what I truly wanted.

I shook my head to Levi, denying his hand that I wanted to grab more than anything. To feel his palm against my own, and to have our fingers laced together while we danced lazily on the beach was just a fantasy. One that would never become a reality. “I can't dance.”

His hand was never lowered, “I'll teach you.” This time he grabbed my hand without waiting for permission, dragging me over to the fire where he had left Krista alone. His attention never went back to her.

It was all on me.

Levi placed his hands onto my hips, his fingers looping through the belt holes on my shorts so that he could pull me closer. “Like this..” He muttered, his hands directed me making my hips rock gently to the music that played around us.

I don't know what music was playing, or who was dancing around us, all I knew was Levi. The light blush that creeped up his cheeks as we moved even closer, the touch of his thumbs when they slipped under my shirt to brush over my skin, and his eyes that held me in a trance - telling me to stay with him and let him have me as his own, only his and no one else's.

A slow song came on, one that prompted Levi to move even closer to me. Our chests were touching, my arms that were hanging at my sides moved to go around his neck. No one said anything, no one stopped us.

And Levi didn't stop me when I leaned my head into his shoulder.

The height difference make it difficult, but I didn't care. Being this close to Levi was all that I ever wanted. We stood there, unmoving, while the others slow danced around us. I could smell him, the salt from the ocean still lingering on his skin. If I moved further to his neck, I could taste him. I knew he wouldn't stop me. My lips twitched, everything inside of me begged for me to press into his neck and taste him.

“Have you never slow danced?” His voice was a whisper in my ear and I felt the rumble in his chest as he tried to keep his voice low.

I shook my head into his shirt and took the opportunity to move my lips closer to his exposed skin. “Never.”

Levi chuckled, his arms unwrapped from around me and he stepped back. His warmth left me so quickly and unexpectedly that since shivered from the loss. Even though it was a hot summer night, how could he have this affect on me?

“Krista.” Levi called for the last person I wanted to see right now. And like a puppy, she was by his side, ready to dance with the man I loved like it was nothing at all.

Which it _was_ nothing at all. Nothing to her. Nothing to the people around us. Nothing to Levi.

“Eren doesn't know how to slow dance,” He gestured toward me. “Could you show him?”

I wanted to scream out at Levi, I wanted to ask him why he couldn't be the one to show me. How could I show him how desperate I was to have his arms around me again? Why couldn't I just tell him I loved him? That he was in my thoughts every fucking second of every goddamn day. I didn't want to dance with Kritsa. I didn't want to dance with anyone but him.

“Sure!” Her small hand was held out to me, the cheery and welcoming smile on her face made me angry. I wanted to run away from them, the needles in my eyes warned me that if I didn't I would break down in front of them. “Come on, Eren! I'm a great teacher.”

Levi stepped back, giving us all the room in the world to dance together. Did he really want this? Why would be shove me off and into her arms like this? I should have lied. I should have told him I knew how to slow dance. I should have just moved a little so that he would have stayed in my arms.

“Actually. Eren and I were only stopping by.” I spun around to Armin, the blonde shrugged at Levi and Krista. “Maybe next time.”

Armin didn't give then a chance to reply, he tugged on my arm and forced me away from the scene.

On the way home I cried, and Armin held my hand without asking why.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We follow Eren into the next day, then jump ahead days later.. then back a few days.. then jump forward again
> 
> This is being posted July 2nd 2018. I don't know why it still says March.

The next morning Levi and my mother were sitting outside, the two of them were chatting over coffee when I walked outside with my blood red eyes. My mother asked what was wrong, I just told her I didn't sleep well. The absolute truth. I'd never been so destroyed in such a short amount of time.

Levi didn't come home until just hours before my mother woke up for the day. Which meant that he had stayed somewhere else. With someone else.

I didn't sleep that night.

“How was the bonfire?” Carla asked, she watched me as I poured myself a glass of juice that was sitting on the table, her eyes were trained on my face. I hummed in reply, my voice was too weak to answer without cracking. I joined them at the the outdoor table, the glass resting on my knee while I took small drinks from the juice.

“Eren doesn't know how to slow dance.” Levi said easily before taking a sip of his coffee. The way his eyes teased me from over the rim of his mug enraged me. He didn't have the right to play with me like that, not after what he'd done to me last night. Not after he didn't come home and fucked someone else.

I quickly finished my juice and slammed the empty glass onto the table. I refused to get into this right now, I couldn't bare to have Levi use me for some kind of sick enjoyment anymore. He knew how badly I wanted him, it couldn't be any more obvious.

“No, no, no,” Carla grabbed my arm before I could escape and pulled me off the small deck and into the grass. “My son needs to know how to dance properly if he's ever to fall in love with someone.” I didn't miss the way her eyes flickered to Levi.

“Maaaa.” I tried to resist, to escape her grasp, but she held on to me. Levi watched from his seat beside the house, his bottom lip was pinched between his teeth as he held back a laugh from my imprisonment.

“Hands go on my shoulders.” My mother directed me, the embarrassment made me keep my eyes to the ground at our feet. When she put her hands on my hips I jumped and tried to get away once more. Her laugh was enough to make the birds fly from the trees in fear. At least she was having fun.

Carla hummed a song I didn't know, maybe one that her and my father danced to before I was born. She led me through the extremely amature dance, and hardly scolded me anytime I would step on her toes. “It's not so bad, is it?”

I just shook my head, not wanting to admit that I was actually having fun.

She picked up the pace as she circled us around the back lawn, I watched her laughing as we moved too quickly. It was when my back hit a tree that the fun stopped. But only for a moment. The second I hit the tree I breathed out all the air in my lungs in a loud 'oof.’ Carla stopped our movements and began laughing even harder.

“I'm so sorry, Eren!” I would have believed her apology if she hadn’t been laughing. Her laugh was contagious, even though my back was hurting I laughed with her. Only my mother would led me into a tree.

“Let me grab some ice.” She backed away from me and looked to Levi. “Keep teaching him, won't you Levi?”

And she was gone before I could protest. Her dress flowed around her as she sped into the house and closed the door behind her. I didn't waste any time and followed after her. I couldn't touch Levi like that, not again.

“Eren, wait.” Levi called to me from where he sat, and he jumped up from his seat and came after me. “Damn it, Eren. Just wait.”

His words made me freeze, my hand was already hovering over the sliding door - I almost got away before he stopped me.

Levi stood behind me, his hands resting on my hips as he gently pulled me away from the door. “We never finished last night.” He whispered, his grip slid over me and made me turn around to face him.

“You passed me along to Krista.” I wanted there to be venom in my voice, for Levi to see how furious I was from the shit he pulled last night. But it came out sad, rejected, pitiful. “That's why.we didn't finish, Levi.”

“Come here.” I let Levi pull me close, closer than we did last night. One of his hands moved up and into my hair, gently leading me to read my head into his neck like I did before.

Then he moved, dancing with me the way my mother did before she moved too fast. With my arms wrapped around his shoulders, I held on so tightly like I was afraid he would push me away again.

Levi smelled like himself, not like the ocean, or someone else's soap, or Krista.. just Levi. It made my heart ache would how badly I wanted to be the only one this close to him. The idea of anyone else knowing this smell, Levi's perfect scent, would break me.

His hand tightened in my hair, then he placed his own lips onto the crook of my neck. “Why me?” He groaned with something I couldn't understand, not yet. I tried to pull away, to look into those eyes that I dreamed would just be mine, but he held me tightly - refusing to let me look at him in that moment. “Why do you want me so badly?”

“I just do.”

There were so many times that I held my tongue and I wish I hadn't. That wasn't one of those times. Levi released me soon after, but not before he held me like he never wanted to let me go. Not before he kissed my shoulder, letting me feel his lips through the fabric of my shirt.

 

To describe my obsession towards Levi as something like a crush was an outlandish statement that would have left me scoffing at you with a roll of my eyes. Of course this behavior was me simply denying any feelings that I had for the other male. Fearing over the judgement of my family and friends once they realized the moment that I wanted another man more desperately than anyone in my entire life. I couldn’t stop it, try as I might. Levi was constantly on my mind.

It was the worst when he wasn’t near me. Wasn’t within my view. Was with someone else, doing something without me. Drinking without me, eating without me, laughing without me, loving without me. I prayed that I was on his mind as much as he was on mine. It was exhausting how much I thought of him, how I could be doing the most mundane things and the older male would burst into my thoughts. Sweeping the floor? I wonder if Levi is having fun wherever he is.. would he approve of my cleaning abilities? Or would he rip the broom from my hands and smack or over my ass for doing a 'piss poor job’? Cooking with my mother, making some kind of dessert for us all to share that night? Would Levi like it? Would he lick the sugar off his lips and think of how he was tasting something that I made while thinking of him?

The thoughts were maddening. I couldn’t even focus on reading anything, my mind would get away from me - feeding me images of Levi’s gaze while I read. Pretending that he was watching me, or running his hands through my hair like I craved, smiling at me while my eyes skimmed over the pages and I even didn’t really pay attention to a single word I read.

In the beginning Levi never invited me to join him on his little trips, opting to explore the city alone and not have some teenager tag along with him. I would walk around the house pouting, wishing he would come back and give me the attention I lusted for. My mother was painfully aware of my unease, she was such a saint, always trying to find things for me to do while we waited on his return. Sometimes she would give up on trying to force me to do something productive and just watch TV with me while we waited for the night to come and whisk us away.

“Your hair is getting long..” Carla mumbled before reaching to my scalp and running her fingers through my hair. It was a feeling I would always enjoy, her touch reminding me of when I was a child and would sit on the floor in front of her. She would run her fingers through my hair while we relaxed together, though now I was far too tall to be having her play with my hair that way. “Don’t you think it’s getting long, Levi?”

My head whipped around, effectively making Carla drop her hand from my head and back to her lap. Levi stood behind the couch, leaning there without me even having noticed. I wanted to come off as some kind of an adult, tell them both that it was fine and made me look older, that I wanted to keep it long. The chance was quickly missed as Levi reached over to me and threaded his fingers into my hair.

“Hm.” That was it, the only response from the love of my life as he continued to run his hand through my hair. My mother replied with something, which resulted in a light laugh from Levi and a shake of his head, his hand not leaving me the entire time. I nearly missed my mother exiting the room, leaving Levi and I alone, and he still hadn’t moved away from me.

Fuck, those eyes. They gazed into mine with something I couldn’t understand then.. an unknown hunger sitting at the edge of his own self control that he wanted to release just as badly as I did. Swirling orbs of an raging ocean studied my own green eyes, hints of silver slicing through the waves as he lured me deeper into dangerous waters.

His next move was positively shocking, yet somehow my teenage mind still didn’t understand what was happening. Levi climbed over the couch, being careful not to make much noise and prompt Carla to come back into the room. Then he sat beside me, sitting with his legs crossed and letting one of his knees dig into my thigh painfully, but I ignored it, so not to scare him away. His right hand went back into my head, shifting through my hair and pushing his nails down gently to scratch over my scalp. And I let my eyes close. It was easier to just give in like that, not meeting Levi’s eyes as he massaged my skin, being weak to his advances but being to afraid to push it any further myself.

Another hand was placed onto my cheek, a thumb moving over to brush over my lips. I breathed out over his skin, not even having realized I was holding my breath. He pressed the thumb to my lips, slipping between my lips to slide over my teeth. I didn't know what he was expecting, what he wanted to achieve by teasing me the way he was. So, I let my mouth open, my tongue sneaking out to lick over the pad of his thumb, tasting the salt of the ocean that still lingered there.

Which only created the vision of one of the times I went to the ocean with Levi. He stood in his trunks, his member obviously aching for attention as it pressed into the swimming material waiting for me to drop before him and accept it like a gift. Only he turned his back to me, adjusting his dick in hopes that no one saw it. There was hardly anyone at the beach then, the sun hidden by clouds and the water almost freezing to the touch. Levi didn't care, and that meant I didn't care. I laid on a towel along the shore, watching him as he carried his board into the water, ignoring the cool bite as it splashed over his ankles just before he dived in and embraced the cold.

I ignored my own growing arousal that came from watching him make little work of the waves that challenged him. Levi would always say that he never spent enough time in the water, which was obvious by the amount of times I'd walked in on the man soaking on the onsen or laying beside it completely exposed and allowing me to feast on the site before me. It didn't take long for Levi to come back though, the water finally getting to him making him stop for the day and make his way back to me.

I smirked as Levi approached me, throwing a towel in his direction as he got closer. “Couldn't handle the cold, huh?” He only rolled his eyes and dropped down beside me, landing in the sand with a thud. I was going to send another teasing remark in his direction, but my breath was taken from me before I could. Levi crawled over and dropped himself onto me, our chests touching in such a way I never thought possible. Something like that would have left me clawing at him, ripping his shorts from him like I'd been starved of touch my entire life.. which I have.

Yes that's exactly what I would have done.

If Levi hadn't been colder than my freezer and his thigh wasn't shoved between my legs and making my cock soften so quickly that it felt like it fucking vanished before my eyes. Still, while the feeling of him on top of me was beyond welcomed, his freezing skin wasn't. I shoved him off all, perhaps a bit too harshly to get away from the ice that covered him.

“Asshole!” I shouted and sat up from my blanket before grabbing a fist full of sand to throw at him. I thought something like that would piss him off, having something so ‘filthy’ thrown all over his damp skin like that. But he laughed, gracing me with a rare grin and coming at me again.

If anyone had seen us, they probably would have thought we were two friends just wrestling in the sand and not harboring feelings for one another. It ended as quickly as it started, Levi hovering above me and laughing while tracing my lips with his sky blue eyes. He stood, pulling me up with him and then went back to his towel as if nothing had happened. And even though the cold made my erection die down, thinking about him lying over me would be enough to bring it back another day.

Levi attempting to pull his thumb from my mouth brought me back to reality. His skin was damp from my tongue, and slipping from my mouth far too easily. I bit down gently, trying to keep him with me. I wanted so badly to tease him as he always did with me, to make a show of sucking his thumb deeper into my mouth while rolling my tongue over his skin. Show him how I wanted him to replace his thumb with what lays between his legs.

“You little shit.” Levi's tone wasn't scolding, it was teasing. My eyes jerked open to see him smiling fondly at me, distracting me enough to pull his finger completely from my mouth. He tapped it over my lips once, making them close before he brought his thumb to this own lips. I couldn't look away, hell I couldn't even blink as he wiped his thumb over his lips. My own saliva shining over those thin pink lines that teased me with how badly I wanted to kiss them.

Levi stood then, his hand that rested in my hair ruffling my locks it before walking away.

“Jerk.” I scoffed before Levi left the room, earning a chuckle from him before he disappeared from site.

Why me?


End file.
